Chateau Christmas – Countdown to Christmas

I really hate to write a bad review for a movie that had a storyline wrapped around a woman getting a bad review, but it is what it is.

Bottom line: I was barely able to get through this movie. It had all the holiday decorations you’d expect in a Hallmark Christmas movie, all the cocoa and the warm blankets, but it failed at getting me in the holiday spirit. Completely and utterly failed.

Quick blurb: A well-known pianist is back in her hometown, and she’s just received a bad review on a performance of hers. The reviewer thought she lacked heart, not talent. Her ex asks her to be in a Christmas concert and she finds her passion once again.

First off, there as literally zero (maybe negative, actually) chemistry between the hero and heroine. In fact, I hardly feel comfortable calling them that. And, I’m just going to say it… The heroine was a bitch and I’m not sure why the hero wanted her back.

And the blonde kid in the movie… Kids don’t act like that. That little girl is more mature than me. She’s more poised than me–and that’s just scary. Put her in a horror flick. Maybe she’d stop acting so spoiled and snotty if you had her being chased by Freddy or Jason. (I just badly dated myself , didn’t I?)

The movie was boring. So boing that I looked forward to the commercials so I could do the dishes and throw another load of laundry in the washer. The main characters (who had once been in a relationship) had ZERO spark (I know I already said that, but it bears repeating, TRUST ME!), and there was ZERO humor throughout the entire flick. But, if I’m being completely honest, the title of the movie had me pulling a face before I’d even started to watch it. Chateau Christmas sounds snotty. Hoity-toity. (Pssst… and it was!) BTW, did anyone else notice that the snowballs used in the snowball fight were styrofoam? Hell naw. You’re Hallmark. You have enough money to do it right, don’t you? Styrofoam? Really??

So, let’s get to the tropes/cliches/staples of the movie:

City boy up for a promotion ✓

Clean cut couple ✓

Annual Christmas concert in trouble of getting cancelled ✓

Second chance at love ✓

Gets the promotion at the end because he’s just the greatest guy for the job and we knew it all along ✓

MAIN EVENT: Concert at the Chateau ✓

Tree-lighting ceremony ✓

But let’s talk about the REAL staple of the night: Jackson’s scarves. Yes. I said it. That man’s scarves were ON. POINT. I was actually jealous. He can rock a scarf better than I can, and I’m a total basic white chick. I’m MADE to rock scarves while I shop at Hobby Lobby with a Starbucks grande soy mocha with whip, no chocolate shavings and an extra shot in my hand while wearing boots bought at a Maurice’s BOGO free sale.

All jokes aside, I wouldn’t recommend this movie at all. I’m going to give it two stars. One star for Jackson’s rockage of his scarves, and one for the Christmas decorations on the set of their boring, snore-fest of a movie. (And I made my husband watch it with me. I literally feel bad about that, and I feel that I’ve ruined him for Hallmark Christmas movies. <– which isn’t a hard thing to do with an ex-Marine, but I had hoped for the best.)

Rating:

Here’s the trailer for those that want to see the train-wreck for themselves.

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